"My Arrested Development" part 4

"Five hours later, I'm put on what's called "the chain" (basically inmate jargon for "heavily armored bus") to the Kent Regional Jailing Center, or "Kent RJC"...."


The ride in "the chain" was rather quick. At least it passed quick. I found the fact that I was shackled about my hands, waist and feet, (and by this, I of course mean, my hand were cuffed, shackled to my waist and then had shackles about my ankles as well), staring through meshed cast-iron caging incredibly amusing.

On top, of the visual stimuli (<-- that's a dollar word for ya. thank you Futon) the audio enhancement, from the inmates of female persuasion sitting in front of me, was absolutely delicious. Due to graphic nature I would need a "parental advisory" sticker on this blog if I included it. Without going into detail, let's say that I now have extensive knowledge of "baby daddy drama" and a first hand look at what you find on sketchy street corners....

At 2:15 in the morning I arrive at my palatial overnight stay. Sure the bell-hop left a little to be expected and the hosts were less than personable but I could get comfortable I suppose....

SCRATCH. THAT.

This is no destination to be desired! My room is cramped and cold. A light has been left on and I cannot find a light switch ANYWHERE! Not only that but when I get into my room... well, I can't get out. I don't fit on my concaved, plastic bed with no pillow. My "mattress," (I use that term liberally) was paper thin and was not concaved...

I feel like I'm set up for a bad "Final Destination" movie...

After two hours of trying to sleep, I'm woken up and told to gather up my bed linens and put them in a laundry basket.

Exsqueeze me? Baking soda? I live with my grandparents... I don't do "bed linens"... is there a Grandma in the house?

I know find myself in another holding cell, thankfully there is no sign of "6-7"...

There are, however, a group of the oddest, most uncomfortable people I have ever been in the midst of...

One gentleman is discussing the "hot points" of brewing up your own meth-lab, another is talking about his bought with Hep-C, and another gentleman is talking about EVERYTHING.

Hmmmm.... what doesn't fit in this equation?

Oh yes, that's right.

ME...

For three hours I'm dreading being asked "what i'm in for" and what crazy answer I'm going to use so i don't get jumped for being the "pretty boy, newbie"...

Murder...

No, too dramatic.

Vehicular homicide...

Dane... You're twisted... stop it!

Thankfully, I get out of the situation without the awkwardness, without soiling myself, and without a drug habit...

Next stop, Ellensburg...

(to be continued...)